Thursday, September 18, 2008


There is nothing we in The Middle Room enjoy more than sharing good news with our readers. Absolutely nothing.

But the universe is intrinsically rational, quantum mechanics notwithstanding, and as such it should come as little surprise that we abhor delivering bad news.  Yet some pain is best borne quickly: there is an old adage about band-aids which comes to mind, but let us move on - we've waisted time enough on such trifles.

Brett Ratner (iD&Di: .51) is to direct the next Conan movie.

There it is, plain and simple.  We are sorry that you had to hear it from us.

Longtime fans of The Middle Room, of which there are none, may recall that we've spoken of Ratner before.  Those words are truer today than the day we wrote them: the property Ratner holds now is dear to our hearts, indeed.

Is it possible that we will be pleasantly surprised?  Our contention is that this is unlikely, though not impossible.  Ratner is not without ability, but he has yet to prove he can make a good movie, let alone a great one.  His failure on X-Men 3 is a bitter cloud above his head, and he has much to atone for.

Here he may have a chance to show his metal or prove his harshest critics right.

Unless, of course, the project falls through, like so many others before.


Threat Quality Press said...

This could be okay. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson will play Conan. Jackie Chan will take Mako's part. Chris Tucker will play Grace Jones.

You get yourself some Christopher Lee and some Sam Jackson as [scary second-command bad guy] and [loud angry bad guy].

It's exactly the kind of schlocked-up hackery that would make for an enjoyable evening of renting it on DVD and drinking a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer.

Erin Snyder said...

I've no interest in mediocracy. Now, if this movie had the potential to be gloriously bad, such as Underworld, that might make for a worthwhile evening.

There is a parabolic curve charting the enjoyment which can be gleamed from viewing a film (the notion it's subjective is a common misconception). A horrid movie can provide as exceptional an experience as an excellent one.

But Ratner has yet to prove is capable of making a movie that's superiorly awful. There is a fine art to making a bad movie that's watched again and again. I'm skeptical he has it in him.

I just don't see him matching the next "Conan: The Destroyer" any sooner than I see him making the next "Conan: The Barbarian."

But I went to see X-Men 3 in the theaters; I'll most likely see this, as well.

Threat Quality Press said...

Mediocrity is 99% of the world! There is a lot of mediocre stuff that's worth enjoying.

Also, I'm assuming that "mediocrity" is what you meant, rather than "the mediocracy," which I believe is a system of government that awards political power according to averageness.

It is a hilariously brilliant and sarcastic way to refer to modern American democracy, though I'm not sure it follows in the context in question.