Before we begin, we would like to state clearly that we've nothing against the British. Their contributions to geek culture cannot be understated, and we have nothing but admiration for what they've given us. From the trigger-happy, drunken womanizing of James Bond to the disease-ridden aliens of War of the Worlds, the British have a long history of developing characters and stories beloved by geeks everywhere.
But a recent trend has disturbed us deeply. In July we alerted our readers to a frightening instance of a religious organization from the United Kingdom slandering the Black Canary, an American super-heroine.
At the time, we assumed this would be an isolated incident. We are disheartened to report that we were wrong. The Redcoats, it seems, are up to their old tricks again. And this time, the British are acting through official, legal channels.
It is unclear why the Batmobile was in London - indeed, it is our sincere opinion that the Dark Knight's secrets should remain unknown - but whatever the reason, the Caped Crusader was in England, where he was issued a parking ticket.
This development is nothing short of stunning. First of all, Batman and the British police (or "bobbies") share a common philosophy, fighting crime without the use of a firearm (it is, after all, the weapon of the enemy; a coward's weapon, one might say).
So why then the animosity? Are the Brits still angry that Batman has taken the title of "World's Greatest Detective" from their beloved Sherlock Holmes?
No, we think the truth is somewhat more distressing. When the incident with Black Canary occurred, we drew your attention to a doll representing Electra, a far better example of what the religious organization was trying to express, but one they conveniently omitted.
At the time, we assumed this was an oversight. In light of this recent development, we must now amend this assumption. We now have reason to believe that the United Kingdom has instituted a systemic program of intimidation and slander against the heroes of the DC Universe.
Why? At this stage, it is impossible to say for certain. But we suspect that the reason ties to the fact that DC Comics contains few recognizable heroes from England. Sure, there's John Constantine, but even he was changed into an American for the mediocre movie.
This may seem paranoid, but ask yourself this: why is it always a DC character targeted by the British? Why wasn't the Spider-Mobile ticketed? We have our theories....