Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Bat Shot Into Space; Return Possible

The media is a mysterious force, one whose attention is often ephemeral. We regard them as we would a class of children: with amusement, caution, and most of all with fear. In the span of a heartbeat, the press has been known to go feral and attack without provocation.

A pack of reporters could pick a cow's skeleton clean in under ten seconds. This is not hyperbole: there was a time we watched a great deal of CNN. We have, in fact, observed just this.

Recently, the press's attention has meandered to an unlikely story representing a strange interjection of geek interests. According to multiple news sources, a bat has recently been launched into space. The details, at present, are few. Indeed, the story evokes more questions than it answers.

If we are to believe the media's claims, the bat in question (unnamed at present; presumably because its family has yet to be notified), made the journey of its own volition.

Video and photographic evidence seems to verify this story, though the possibly that some sort of adhesive may have been a factor has yet to be addressed.

As to why the bat made this leap; well, that is a question the media seems uninterested in confronting. Nor have they confronted the possibility that the bat may return from the stars.

Before we continue, there are a few things we would like to say. First of all, we in The Middle Room have long campaigned for bats to receive the recognition they deserve. As a symbol of the night, they invoke a certain terror in the superstitious and cowardly, but they also perform invaluable services to the ecosystem around us.

They hunt insects and they aid in the expansion of plant life. They inspire horror and superheroes alike. Truly, the loss of even one bat is nothing short of a travesty.

But there is no conclusive evidence at present that this creature is gone. Rather, scientists have long known of the existence of "cosmic radiation", a mysterious energy source with unknown properties. Could this radiation transform a common bat into a being of infinite power and hatred?

We cannot say for sure.

We suspect that the bloodthirsty media has reason to believe this may occur. After all, this story is being closely watched and scrutinized. It seems unlikely that so many reporters would spend such time were it only a case of a single animal killed by a launching shuttle.

Such attention is never paid to the dozens of rats, mice, and insects we assume are killed when the rockets ignite. But then, there is little reason to think they would gain the superpowers which could be bestowed upon a creature exposed to cosmic radiation.


Grimjack said...

i, for one, welcome our new mutated Space-Bat overlords.

Erin Snyder said...

You welcome them now, Grimjack, but one wonders if you'll be as courteous when faced with the horrors of their radioactive guano.