Review: End of the World - May 21, 2011

We in the Middle Room have a deep seated appreciation of a good apocalypse. We reminisce fondly about DC's legendary Crisis on Infinite Earths, and have a deeply held admiration of zombie uprisings, vampiric plagues, and temporal paradoxes. If we could be so bold, we consider ourselves connoisseurs of the end of days.

Which is why we found ourselves more than a little disappointed in Harold Camping's recent offering, the now infamous "May 21st Rapture and World-Quake."

Before progressing further, be warned that we will need to discuss the events of last weekend in some detail in order to explain our reaction. In short, spoilers lie ahead: those who have Tivoed the weekend's news to watch later or haven't visited CNN.com in several days may wish to refrain from reading further.

It wasn't that the 21st was bad, per se, merely that it was a victim of raised expectations owing to its own marketing campaign. Ultimately, the day played out like most doomsdays, raptures, and end times before it, with a few twists that - under slightly better direction - might have made this apocalypse stand out. As it stands, May 21, 2011 was disappointing, yet another missed opportunity.

We shouldn't have been surprised, seeing as Camping's first apocalypse, released in 1994, was utterly forgettable and uninspired. However, as we approached the May version, the marketing campaign and teasers gave us hope that this one might be different. Production values seemed unprecedented: we haven't seen a doomsday with this kind of budget since the infamous Y2K fiasco.

But, when the time came, Camping's sequel was as dull as the original. Don't get us wrong: we see what they were attempting to convey. A Rapture without a single ascension, concluding with the bewildered expressions on the faces of the faithful; a fatalistic statement on the utter irredeemable nature of mankind and the hopelessness of the future. Yes, yes; very nihilistic, very clever. Except we've seen it all before. This was precisely how 1994 ended. And, for that matter, every other religious, mythological, and secular doomsday scenario that's played out on the news before and since.

Sure, there's the twist ending everyone's talking about: the non-apocalypse without the usual mass suicide and all that. Which is fine - no one needs that kind of a downer, anyway. Though seeing thousands of Camping's followers broke and distraught isn't too exactly a happy ending, either.

Ultimately, we feel cheated. It's one thing to release something like this in September, but this is May, when we expect more from our entertainment than Camping was able to deliver. He's putting a droll exploration of human stupidity against the excitement of movies like Thor? Come on, where were the effects? Where's the spectacle? Drama alone isn't going to cut it in a summer when Transformers 3 is getting released.

On a scale of one to five, where five stars reflects doomsdays like the Near-Apocalypse of '09, we can only award Camping's May 21st two stars.

It wasn't so much that it was bad... it just didn't deliver anything worthwhile or new. Sure, the twist was better than the alternative, but Camping failed to conceal his hand - we saw the Shyamalan-like ending coming a mile away. This isn't the worst apocalypse we've ever seen, but we still strongly advise our readers to save their money and wait for the DVD.

May 21

The Middle Room felt it important to clarify misconceptions centered around the many billboards, posters, and RV's across America.

We have analyzed a number of Marvel comic books, and - based on indisputable evidence - have determined that the world will indeed come to an end on May 21, 2011.

Because, on that day, Galactus will arrive, and his hunger shall compel him to devour the life-energy in the Earth.

It is important to note that Galactus would never eat the Earth without warning us first. To that end, his herald, the Silver Surfer, will arrive. You will know him by his surfboard. It will be silver.

There will also be images seen in the sky.

On an unrelated note, enjoy Free Comic Book Day tomorrow.

Book Review: Vampires Today: The Truth About Modern Vampirism

Recently, I ordered Vampires Today: The Truth About Modern Vampirism from Amazon, and have just now finished the last page. There are many elements which make Joseph Laycock's look at the vampiric subculture both fascinating and impressive. It can be said - accurately, I would add - that the work is educational without being dull, entertaining without being exploitative, funny without being insulting, and honest without being biased.

It is the work's impartiality that I find most impressive. Years ago, I studied religion back in Hampshire College (along with Joseph Laycock, by the way, which gets us past the requisite "interest of full disclosure" acknowledgement). While it was easy to find resources about large, organized religions, the only information about smaller movements tended to be produced by practitioners themselves. Trying to locate unbiased information about the Neo-Pagan movement, for instance, was an exercise in frustration: anything I found online was suspect by it's very nature.

"Vampires Today" was written for scholars of religion and cultural trends who are writing and approaching those who identify as vampires. Laycock provides a careful appraisal of the community, revealing, among other things, that these are not frightening people. Despite some very entertaining warnings, Laycock describes his interactions as being relatively mundane; certainly no more unusual than one would expect from other groups outside the mainstream.

The central point of the book is that the Vampire Movement cannot be understood as a religion, at all, but rather a culturally significant identity. Laycock's arguments are direct and rational, and his conclusions are highly convincing.

Laycock's exploration delves into the subcultures, organizations, and religions of the "real vampire," as well as their portrayal in the media. Laycock refuses to speculate on the validity of the vampires' claims: like any good scholar, he is observing, not judging.

While the book seems to have been written for academics, it has far greater appeal. Judging by the movement's positive reaction, it seems likely that many in the vampire community will purchase "Vampires Today." In addition, I would strongly recommend this book to anyone with an interest in the supernatural and history of the occult movement.

But, more than anyone else, this book needs to find its way into the hands of the myriad confused and depressed teenagers all over the world. New religious and cultural movements suffer from a lack of impartial literature, and, as a result, it's difficult to gain any perspective or realistic appraisal. Right now, there are unknown numbers of Twilight fans who are toying with the idea of adopting the label "vampire." This book provides a window into that world, along with a summary of vampire literature, film, and role playing games, which could provide an invaluable resource to those trying to define themselves. And, whatever choice they make, they'd be better prepared for what they would find.

Likewise, if you are a football player looking to elevate and better direct your insults against the goths you're giving wedgies; there is no better resource available. Truly, this is a work with wide appeal.

Whoever you are, if you are interested in the vampire subculture in any capacity, Laycock's book is a far better place to start than Google.

Joseph Laycock is an "independent scholar" and a graduate of Harvard University. He is not a vampire himself, however I can confirm that, during a long running Dungeons & Dragons game I ran, he once played a wizard who became a vampire.

Listen Up

I expect most readers of The Middle Room will have seen this already, but, in case you missed it, Gabriel McKee, geek prophet, was recently interviewed on "Listen Up," a Canadian program about religion:



I particularly like the part where Gabe is asked to expand on the possibility of using a time machine to visit Jesus Christ.

Another Adamantium Bullet in the Brainpan

Following the "success" of X-Men Origins: Wolverine, Fox is already planning a sequel, which will henceforth be referred to as X-MOW 2. According to rumor, the movie is to take place in Japan and chronicle the Wolverine's experiences as he presumably learns the way of the samurai and kills dozens - if not hundreds - of ninja.

To The Middle Room, and geeks everywhere, this poses a difficult problem. We now know that Fox is incapable of delivering even a halfway decent Wolverine movie. We've seen their best attempt and weren't impressed.

And yet... could it be possible that Fox might have learned from their mistake? Could this sequel possibly honor the tradition of Wolverine hunting and slaughtering ninja? Could this movie conceivably... not suck?

The answer to all these questions, of course, is no. If Fox were capable of learning from their mistakes, they'd have taken something from X-Men 3. There is no rational reason to believe that the Wolverine sequel could be better than the first: indeed, it is far more likely that the opposite will be true, that whatever sequel Fox could conceive of will be worse than the original.

And yet... is there hope? Is it not the meaning of faith to cling to hope, even when logic stands against us?

In the end, it won't matter. We paid to see X-Men 3 in the theater. We paid to see X-MOW in the theater. And we will pay again to see X-MOW 2. This cycle, we suspect, shall continue for all eternity.

Because Fox has no need of our faith; Fox needs only our money. And perhaps our souls.

Final Respects

Thirteen months have passed since Gary Gygax shuffled off this mortal coil. All men, we know, are mortal, all hit points transitory. Gygax was a great man, but no one, no matter how great, could have created Dungeons & Dragons alone: it took two. And it is with a heavy heart that must now report the passing of David Arneson, co-creator of Dungeons & Dragons.

These men were pillars of modern geekdom; forgers of dice and rollers, too. They were philosophers, too, for they knew the secrets of the icosahedron, and of the other Platonic solids.

We have called on the church to recognize such men, though our cries have gone unanswered. We bring this up as a reminder, nothing more: there will be time for harsh words later. This is a time for sorrow.

Both creators of Dungeons & Dragons have passed into the realm that Peter Pan once called "an awfully big adventure." If it is truly so, we hope the wandering monsters they meet on the way leave them great troves of treasure, items of immense power, and numerous experience points.

This world, however, is poorer for their absence.

A Step In The Right Direction

Last May, we reflected on news that The Vatican, amid undeniable evidence, was forced to admit that alien life in no way contradicted church teaching.

We suspect our friends at SF Gospel were overjoyed.

Now, science has followed suit, admitting that, according to complex computer models, the existence of extraterrestrial life is all but a certainty.

While some questions remain, we in The Middle Room have analyzed the conclusions in great detail. Given the evidence presented, there is little doubt that life exists beyond our tiny planet. If you'd like to independently verify these findings, software nearly identical to that used in the study is readily available online.

Surely this is a step in the right direction, but there is more work to be done. We've only scratched the surface of the deeper scientific questions that are raised. The existence of extraterrestrial life may fast be becoming a foregone conclusion, but there remains a great number of scientific theories in need of refutation before the possibility of Kryptonians can be admitted.

And that, dear reader, is surely the most noble goal of science.

Of course, there exists the possibility of other universes, but to us that seems a cheat. While we enjoy the Many Worlds Interpretation of Quantum Mechanics, it leaves a bad taste in our mouths.

No, better if Superman can exist in our world. He can exist in others as well, but this, we'd like to hope, is Earth 1.

A Year Gone

Well, another year has passed us by, bringing us ever closer to 2012. What is the significance of 2012? Why, it is the year the world is to end, which is the first time it's done so since 2000.

But we are not here to mourn the planet Earth: no, this is a celebration, a reflection. So let us remember a year in toys, in action figures and die cast cars. The Clearance Bin has just been updated with such a retrospective, The Best of The Bin: 2008, an ambitious title for a site that's been around for less than six months.

We wish our readers a Happy New Year. And, if the thought of trudging through yet another year has you feeling glum, take heart: you only have three more to go.

Requiem for a Toy Store

It is a sad day in The Middle Room and beyond it, too. If buildings had tear ducts, we suspect every mall in America would shed a tear.

After a long and painful battle with financial troubles, KB Toys has finally succumbed to unfavorable market conditions. On December 11, 2008, KB Toys slipped into bankruptcy. An analysis of the sales revealed that there was no hope - the retail chain would never recover. A decision was made to pull the plug: all KB Toy Stores are now set to close after liquidating their inventory.

It is with a heavy heart that we dedicate today's toy review in memory of KB.

Rather than dwell on the tragedy, we thought we would share our memories of KB Toys. Many times we have stepped into a mall in hopes there was a KB within. We have visited KB Toy Works whenever we've had the chance; delighted in their discount prices and aisles of forgotten toys.

Yes, a stop in a KB Toys or a Toy Works was like a trip through time: their shelves housing action figures and play sets from years past. Toys R Us and Walmart may be better locations for finding new releases, but KB... ah, a visit to KB was like a visit home.

As we look around The Middle Room we see memento after memento purchased at KB Toys. The Ghost In The Shell figure from McFarlane Toys: that we found at a KB in western Massachusetts for less than two dollars. In a Toy Works on the east side of the same state, we found three of our Kingdom Come action figures. The Pigs In Space play set was found at a Toy Works in New Hampshire - for twelve dollars, including First Mate Piggy. We bought a Wolverine action figure at a KB Toys located in Maryland. And right here in New York, we found a pair of "What's Opera, Doc?" figures, produced by DC Direct and being sold for six dollars each.

Truly, we could go on. Whenever we've sought out collectible figures, no matter where we were, KB was there for us, waiting in a mall or nestled in an outlet village. We have many fond memories of KB, and it is these we should cling to in our time of grief.

In times like these, we need to remind ourselves that it is not the building that matters, nor the sign in the front. What truly matters is what's inside, and that, dear reader, is the assortment of toys and games.

And these, we know, are now in a better place:

Clearance.

KB Toys/KB Toy Works
1922 - 2008/2009

A Bitter Cup of Coffee

Every year geeks gather for Gen Con, the best known D&D convention in the world, for a celebration of gaming. Polyhedral die are cast, we've heard, like grains of sands in the wind.

But it is not all fun and games: geeks know the importance of giving back to the world that has given us so much. As such, there is a charity auction, with the proceeds going to a cause selected every year.

This year was special. In memory of Gary Gygax, the creator of D&D, it was decided the money would go to a organization Gygax had championed, loved, and given to.

That organization is the Christian Children's Fund.

The auction produced a sum of $17,398 dollars for the charity. For an organization normally reduced to soliciting less than a dollar a day at a time - that's a lot of money. It was intended to do a lot of good: after all, this is the charity that has boasted the frugality to provide a child food, water, medicine, and health care for the cost of a cup of coffee a day.

And yet, they refused the money.

Their stated reasons are somewhat unclear, but the subtext of their motivation is easy to grasp: the money could be... tainted.

This is of course ludicrous. The influence the dark powers exercise over Dungeons & Dragons is grossly exaggerated. Satan barely touched that money.

This isn't the first time a religious institution has insulted Gygax: despite our repeated calls, the Vatican has yet to do the right thing and canonize him.

What's more: it seems unlikely that the children who would have benefited were consulted in this decision: seventeen thousand dollars is a lot of money in these troubling economic times.

It's enough to sponsor a single child for more than 60 years or, alternatively, enough to buy 22,023 thirsty children each a cup of coffee. Today.

Gary Gygax must be rolling in his grave.

Anyway, you can read more about this here.

Did We Forget To Mention....

It seemed like as good a time as any to address some recent business in the world of capes and comics. As always, Comic Con has unleashed hundreds of stories, many of which we'll be sifting through in the months to come.

One story, in particular, caught our attention: it seems that Neil Gaiman is writing an upcoming Batman story entitled "Whatever Happened To The Caped Crusader?"

As the story notes, the title alludes to Alan Moore's "Whatever Happened To The Man Of Tomorrow". While the article claims this to be one of the top 5 best Superman stories ever written, we respectfully disagree.

We consider this the single best Superman story that's ever been told in comic form. We sincerely hope Gaiman is up to the challenge.

And speaking of Superman, we'd be remiss in omitting this unusual story. The short of it is that we will be watching at least one episode of Smallville this season. While we're intrigued that the Legion of Superheroes is making a cameo, the real factor is Geoff Johns, possibly our favorite writer still working regularly in comics.

And finally, we are always looking for signs that we are not alone. When the Vatican finally admitted that Superman was not an enemy of the church, we announced and applauded their decision. It took a great deal of courage, we suspect, to risk Lex Luthor's enmity.

While the Vatican may have extended a hand of friendship to Superman (and any other extraterrestrials living among us), they gave no real endorsement that such beings existed. That's where NASA comes in, or, at the very least, where a former astronaut makes an unsubstantiated claim.

That's right: the door is now open for ET, The Predator, Darkseid, and, most importantly, Superman.

Don't be afraid: when you get here, the church's doors are open.

A Moment Of Reflection

We here in The Middle Room would like to take a moment to remember a friend, taken from us before his time.

Speed Racer, we hardly knew you.

This past weekend, when we visited our local theater, we saw that the flood of new movies has washed away this small, artistic, 100 million dollar production.

After a mere month in theaters, Speed Racer, the single most enjoyable theater going experience we've had this summer - surpassing even Iron Man, mind you (and we loved Iron Man) - has been wrenched away from us. Sure you might still be able to find it playing on a screen here or there, but overall, it is gone.

And it is not coming back. Except on DVD.

There are many factors we might blame for this injustice, not the least of which being critical response. Perhaps we were wrong to expect better from film critics. "Remember the Hudson Hawk," is something of a battle cry in these parts.

Rather than allowing ourselves to become possessed with anger, we feel it would be more constructive to take a moment and focus on the contribution Speed Racer made in bridging the divide between live action and animated films.

We think Speed would have wanted it that way.

First, some history. For as long as anyone can recall, there have been two types of movies: live action and animated, and the line between them was never crossed.

Until recently. Now, Speed Racer was not the first movie to blur the line. Disney was experimenting back in the 60s and 70's with movies such as Mary Poppins and Pete's Dragon, where reality and animation crossed paths.

These were intrusions, really, where one medium crossed over with another. Still, these managed to utilize animation to surreal effect. It was a simple beginning, but a beginning nonetheless.

Things became less clear in 1988. That was year Who Framed Roger Rabbit was released. Roger was a turning point in more ways than one. It marked an end to hand-drawn animation in big budget live action films (sure, there would be others afterward, but nothing so grand), while serving as a harbinger of the CG filled movies to come.

The combination of computer generated imagery and characters along with live action actors and settings became common place in the 90's.

But then something happened: the stakes were raised.

Movies like Sin City, 300, Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, and Spy Kids 3-D began to test the boundaries between the two worlds by pushing actors further and further into animated environments.

On the other side of the fence, CG animated projects began to incorporate live-action. Movies such as Polar Express, Monster House, and Beowulf have are building towards incorporating an actor's entire performance without having them in the movie at all.

The line between animation and live action grew thinner and thinner.

And then a movie came along that tore through the boundary altogether. A movie so stylized, so bizarre, and so much fun that our very lexicon cannot contain it.

That movie, of course, was Speed Racer. It was not live action, nor is was animated. It was a living collage, a true fusion of the two basic types of film.

And the critics could not understand what they were viewing. They attacked it, because it was too cartoony for their tastes.

And now, too soon, Speed Racer is gone. But it has paved the way for other films to follow. There is no longer a need to make movies either live action or cartoons: the whole spectrum of possibilities has been opened.

As for Speed Racer, we can only trust in our faith that there exists life beyond the theaters. We have to believe in DVD and the possibility it will become a cult favorite and rise from the ashes.

It's a shame, though. It was truly glorious up on the big screen. To those of you who didn't get to see it there, in its natural environment: you have our pity.

Movie Review: Prince Caspian

When the first Narnia film came out, comparisons were unavoidable. Depending on who you asked, it was either "Lord of the Rings" for children, "Passion of the Christ" for children, or "Harry Potter" for children. Well, Christian children.

What was less controversial was the quality of the movie: The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe wasn't very good. Actually, the first half was very good, and the second half wasn't.

The sequel is somewhat more complicated. First of all, while the same old comparisons will no doubt be unearthed, and while there are certainly still similarities to those films, we were reminded of another type of film entirely.

Prince Caspian was Conan for kids. It was, you see, a blood bath.

Only without the blood.

The children from the last film return with a vengeance. The Narnia they knew and loved has fallen, overtaken by armies of human soldiers intent on cleansing the fairytale land of any surviving fairytale creatures.

Against such evil there can be no discussion. Fortunately, despite their size, the children are seasoned warriors. They use their skills and the weapons given to them thousands of years before by Santa Claus himself to slaughter their foes. Aided by an army of oppressed dwarves, centaurs, talking animals, and Prince Caspian, they decapitate, impale, and crush their enemies.

There are losses on both side, however. Many of their friends fall while the children watch on. In one particularly disturbing moment, Peter is forced to leave some of his forces behind to die, and watches on as they're butchered. Of course he later takes his revenge on the field of battle.

The only thing more brutal than the children is an adorable mouse named Reepicheep, who hamstrings his victims, bringing them screaming to the ground, where he slits their throats with ruthless efficiency.

All safely off camera, of course: this is a kid's film. But make no mistake: each of those soldiers has a family. By and large, they aren't even evil: for generations they've been fed lies about their world and its inhabitants.

Overall we enjoyed this movie, though it was far from perfect. There remained a disconnect between the dark, close scenes, which were highly impressive, and the bright sunny moments... which were, well, far too bright and sunny. In addition, the movie never felt completely right. It isn't entirely fair to blame the filmmakers, though: many of the problems originated in C.S. Lewis's book. The ending, in particular, is heavy handed and forced. The symbolism, which felt subtle and well used for most of the movie, became overt in the last fifteen minutes. The conclusion left much to be desired.

Don't go expecting Lord of the Rings or even Harry Potter: Narnia lacks the power of either these franchises. But if you're looking for a family action film, where young children travel to a magical kingdom, kill their enemies, and hear the lamentation of their women, you could do worse.

On a scale of one to five stars, where five is Conan: The Barbarian, Prince Caspian receives two and a half. If they'd left in the blood and gone for an "R" rating, we'd have been more generous.

We've Come A Long Way Since Galileo

Long time visitors to The Middle Room know we have a complex relationship with the Vatican. We have reached out to their organization on a number of issues and have attempted to find middle ground and compromise.

To this day, they have yet to hear our call and do what's right... but that is another issue, and we shall not dwell on it now. Likewise, the church has yet to offer any official apology or explanation of any kind for their involvement in last April's debacle. But then, that wasn't really their fault, and we certainly haven't heard a word of regret from the CW, who we hold ultimately responsible.

Until recently, we were beginning to suspect that the Church wasn't even reading our words. It even seemed possible, however unlikely, that they were unaware of our presence.

Fortunately, that no longer seems to be the case. In what we can only assume is a olive branch to geeks, the Vatican has just affirmed that Superman is entirely compatible with Catholicism. This in no way surprises us, of course, though it is nice to see it so officially acknowledged.

Yes, every extraterrestrial from the Predator to Darkseid is made in God's image. We in The Middle Room would like to offer our heartfelt thanks to the Vatican for eliminating any possible confusion.

Crisis On Infinite Comics

To some, Free Comic Book Day is merely another holiday, awarded no more significance than, say, Arbor Day or Christmas. We have even heard it said, though the idea troubles us greatly, that there are those who do not celebrate the first Saturday in May at all, that some might not have heard of this day.

But to those of us in The Middle Room, Free Comic Book Day is more than a mere holiday, more than ritual. A few years ago, we heard a friend describe Free Comic Book Day as Geek Independence Day. At the time, we took this for a joke.

As we've reflected on this day, as we are wont to do, we have considered those words and their meaning. We have considered the timing of Free Comic Book Day, which coincides with the theatrical release of a comic book film, and we have looked back at the history of this celebration.

It all began, dear reader, in May of 2002, on the weekend of Spiderman's release.

The weekend that changed the world. Spiderman set an opening record, grossing over a hundred million dollars in its opening weekend. With that, the stage was set. Superhero movies were greenlit left and right. The musty historical epics and the mindless action movies were replaced with warriors gloriously clad in bright spandex.

Free Comic Book Day is truly the day Geeks declared Independence.

It is a day we in The Middle Room take seriously. The planning began months ago. Maps of the city were analyzed; notes from last year compared. Every conceivable path was considered, until at last we had our itinerary.

You see, to truly experience Free Comic Book Day, one must visit more than just a single comic shop. Look again at the picture introducing this post. Know that no army assembled that collection: that was two people.

"Why two?" you may ask. Because, as the old saying goes, Free Comic Book Day is for lovers. Nothing brings two people together like waiting in line for two hours outside Midtown comics for a bag of free comics.

Nothing.

Together we collected 124 comics, one poster, a DVD of Sideshow Collectibles, and an Iron Man Hero Clix. I say we received 124 comics, but I should admit that many of those were duplicates. But that is all right. Because the faithful of us know in our hearts that Free Comic Book Day is not meant to be celebrated one day a year: Free Comic Book Day is part of us, it lasts all year.

So shall, we suspect, the process of giving out our extra comics to our friends who had to work today. This may seem at first to be a crisis, but all is as it should be. Free Comic Book Day is intended to spread the word, and the picture as well. It is as much a philosophy as it is a marketing tool.

And it is not without miracles. Today, in Jim Hanley's Universe, we met Dan Slott (iD&Di: .92), who was listening to Jonathan Coulton. Then, when we stopped for lunch, we were given - without asking - a free soda. There is no mundane explanation for this: it was a sign.

Happy Free Comic Book Day. We hope you are sharing it with a loved one.

Fallibility

The Middle Room prides itself on being respectful of religious differences. However, as we recently discussed, our charity has a limit. Let us repeat, once more, the most important rule for those wishing to keep our friendship:

Unless you are an established super-villain, you do NOT mess with our superheroes.

Today, bright and early at 9:30 AM, we rushed from our beds and turned on our televisions to watch the Spectacular Spider-man on the CW. What we saw shocked and horrified us. No webslinger graced our set, no super-villain attack, or anything of the like.

Just coverage. Live news coverage. Of Pope Benedict XVI (iD&Di: .04). He's holding mass, and the CW, along with every other television station in New York City, feels the need to cover it live, complete with commentary analyzing each action and scheduling decision as though this were a sporting event.

We should not have been surprised. The last few days have been nearly round the clock coverage of the Pope: where he's going and what he's doing, analysis of his papal style, and speculation on what he'll say. We appreciate the importance behind this one man, and until now have viewed the whole thing in good humor.

But that all changed today at 9:30 AM when Spider-man was bumped for more coverage. As we said, we have nothing but respect for the Pope. But - let us be honest here - he is no Spider-man. When has the Pope fought Electro? When has he wrestled with the Lizard to redeem Dr. Connors? There can be no comparison: Spider-man is a true hero, and deserves better than this oversight.

We ask you, in all seriousness, which of these two men has done more for New York City?

Which leads us to ask: who do we blame for this outrage? Is it the Pope's fault? No, in truth, he is only doing as he has ever done.

We in The Middle Room believe we know. The fault, of course, lies with the CW. Frankly, they have forgotten their origins and abandoned their responsibilities: oh, yes fans of Spider-man know something of responsibility. There were many other stations covering this, some of which, unlike the CW, have reputations as news outlets. There was no need for them to join in. There was no need for any of this.

We do not expect much from the CW, but we expect to be able to watch our Saturday morning cartoons at the arranged hour. This is a disappointment, to say the least.

Required Reading

Here in The Middle Room we tend to overlook intelligent reflections on religion. It isn't that we find such things dull: nothing could be further from the truth. It is only that such quandaries can distract us from our mission: to seek out new comics and new films, and boldly roll where no man has rolled before.

Ours is a study of Geek, and if we forget that, we risk losing our path.

But to consider today's discussion we do not need to leave the road. This one is on the way. Gabriel McKee's observations rate among the most intelligent we can remember reading on the subject of science and religion. That they are rooted in science fiction makes them all the more enticing. His comments are brief and elegant, reminding us that the battle between religion and science is often waged by less subtle forces. His indictment of fundamentalism accomplishes more in a couple sentences than most writers could accomplish in an entire book:

Religion, in fact, does not inherently believe that it knows the full and complete truth. The best theology, from Plato to Augustine to Alfred North Whitehead, depends on speculation, thought experiments, and best-guesses; the biggest crime of fundamentalism is its theological laziness.

Of course, no less would be expected from Gabriel McKee, whose recent work, The Gospel According to Science Fiction, belongs on the bookshelf of every self-respecting geek on Earth. Perhaps beyond.

So take a minute off from work to glance through his posts. If your boss yells at you, just say he's oppressing your freedom of religion.

A Soundtrack to our Lives, Part 4

This will, for the time being, conclude our discussion of music. Surely there are many other artists out there deserving of our respect, but together the four musicians we have featured here help define a soundtrack to The Middle Room which will, we like to hope, offer you, the reader, a better understanding of what we are about.

To close out this study, we turn to the father of nerdcore, himself, MC Frontalot, whose music speaks to us in a close, personal manner.

At times, one might even call it religious.

Frontalot's comprehension of the human condition cannot be overstated. If you are unfamiliar with his work, the time has come to correct that.

It's time

According to Wikipedia, unless the Pope personally intervenes the Catholic Church cannot declare someone a Saint until they've been gone at least five years. But five years is too long. The healing process needs to start now, which is why I am asking that Pope Benedict make an exception, just like the church made for John Paul and Mother Teresa, and do the right thing.

I am asking that he canonize Gary Gygax now.

I understand this might be seen as a controversial measure, as Gygax was not, so far as I know, Catholic. But this man has surely lived an exemplary life, gifting the young with hours and hours of joy, bringing people together, and changing forever how and why we roll dice.

But there's so much more. This represents an unprecedented opportunity to approach the gamer community. We are discussing a population of young, confused individuals, many of whom will later go on to careers in technology and engineering. I'm not saying that church should do this solely for monetary reasons, but just think of what ten percent of those incomes will come out to: we're talking about ending the church's money problems once and for all.

Of course being Canonized does not make someone a Saint. The Catholic Church is no fool; you demand proof in the form of miracles, and unlike some of your previous appointees, I guarantee that Gygax, patron Saint of D&D, can deliver.

You think cancer vanishing is rare? Well, how rare? No one really knows, do they? Accepting most miracles requires a leap of faith, and that's hardly the way to run a church. When D&D players pray to the Venerable Gygax for assistance against, say a Green Dragon, and he returns five natural 20s in a row, we can tell you precisely what the chances are (one in 3 million, two hundred thousand). Pretty miraculous, if you ask me.

Not good enough for you? No problem! Just name the mathematical improbability, and we'll keep rolling. Sure, we're bound to get the numbers eventually, but the same can honestly be said about medical miracles, as well. But such a skeptical and cynical attitude has no place here: these are miracles we're talking about, plain and simple.

So please, do the right thing and canonize Gary Gygax. It's time.

A Chance For Salvation

I would speak of an unpleasant subject now; I would speak of the damned. To the geek, there is one below, a soul who has created acts of such depravity upon the screen, that he is truly and forever lost. Through his own acts, he has assured that no true geek shall ever again pay the price of admission to one of his films.

I speak, of course, of Joel Schumacher, architect of atrocity, responsible for that which was... Batman and Robin. For this unholy act, there can be no redemption.

Why then does the title tell of salvation? Because it is not for Schumacher that we've gathered to speak. His is merely a tale of caution. It is another, one who is fallen, though not beyond hope, who has brought us here. It is Brett Ratner, whose X-Men film brought down a dynasty, destroying a once bountiful franchise.

Ratner is hated for what he did, he is despised; outcast. But he is not yet damned.

Much of what went wrong in that film can be rightly laid at his feet, of this there can be little doubt. But there were others, as well. Others in hiding, whose incompetence has plagued the franchise since its very start. I speak of producers, and though their touch went largely unnoticed, they no doubt share the blame.

The producers, after driving away Bryan Singer, made Ratner a devil's bargain. He accepted, and we have all paid a price.

But now Ratner has a chance at redemption. Aintitcoolnews has reported that he is involved with Harbinger, a Defiant property from the 1990s. Certainly nowhere near the scope and power of X-Men, Harbinger has its fans, and it is a good property.

Tread carefully, Ratner. There is more at stake here than a film: I daresay your soul may hang in the balance. Look below you and gaze upon the fate of Schumacher's career: encased forever in ice in the deepest pits of Hell. Such is the fate of those who destroy our beloved comics.