Friday, March 14, 2008

It's time

According to Wikipedia, unless the Pope personally intervenes the Catholic Church cannot declare someone a Saint until they've been gone at least five years. But five years is too long. The healing process needs to start now, which is why I am asking that Pope Benedict make an exception, just like the church made for John Paul and Mother Teresa, and do the right thing.

I am asking that he canonize Gary Gygax now.

I understand this might be seen as a controversial measure, as Gygax was not, so far as I know, Catholic. But this man has surely lived an exemplary life, gifting the young with hours and hours of joy, bringing people together, and changing forever how and why we roll dice.

But there's so much more. This represents an unprecedented opportunity to approach the gamer community. We are discussing a population of young, confused individuals, many of whom will later go on to careers in technology and engineering. I'm not saying that church should do this solely for monetary reasons, but just think of what ten percent of those incomes will come out to: we're talking about ending the church's money problems once and for all.

Of course being Canonized does not make someone a Saint. The Catholic Church is no fool; you demand proof in the form of miracles, and unlike some of your previous appointees, I guarantee that Gygax, patron Saint of D&D, can deliver.

You think cancer vanishing is rare? Well, how rare? No one really knows, do they? Accepting most miracles requires a leap of faith, and that's hardly the way to run a church. When D&D players pray to the Venerable Gygax for assistance against, say a Green Dragon, and he returns five natural 20s in a row, we can tell you precisely what the chances are (one in 3 million, two hundred thousand). Pretty miraculous, if you ask me.

Not good enough for you? No problem! Just name the mathematical improbability, and we'll keep rolling. Sure, we're bound to get the numbers eventually, but the same can honestly be said about medical miracles, as well. But such a skeptical and cynical attitude has no place here: these are miracles we're talking about, plain and simple.

So please, do the right thing and canonize Gary Gygax. It's time.

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