Review: End of the World - May 21, 2011

We in the Middle Room have a deep seated appreciation of a good apocalypse. We reminisce fondly about DC's legendary Crisis on Infinite Earths, and have a deeply held admiration of zombie uprisings, vampiric plagues, and temporal paradoxes. If we could be so bold, we consider ourselves connoisseurs of the end of days.

Which is why we found ourselves more than a little disappointed in Harold Camping's recent offering, the now infamous "May 21st Rapture and World-Quake."

Before progressing further, be warned that we will need to discuss the events of last weekend in some detail in order to explain our reaction. In short, spoilers lie ahead: those who have Tivoed the weekend's news to watch later or haven't visited CNN.com in several days may wish to refrain from reading further.

It wasn't that the 21st was bad, per se, merely that it was a victim of raised expectations owing to its own marketing campaign. Ultimately, the day played out like most doomsdays, raptures, and end times before it, with a few twists that - under slightly better direction - might have made this apocalypse stand out. As it stands, May 21, 2011 was disappointing, yet another missed opportunity.

We shouldn't have been surprised, seeing as Camping's first apocalypse, released in 1994, was utterly forgettable and uninspired. However, as we approached the May version, the marketing campaign and teasers gave us hope that this one might be different. Production values seemed unprecedented: we haven't seen a doomsday with this kind of budget since the infamous Y2K fiasco.

But, when the time came, Camping's sequel was as dull as the original. Don't get us wrong: we see what they were attempting to convey. A Rapture without a single ascension, concluding with the bewildered expressions on the faces of the faithful; a fatalistic statement on the utter irredeemable nature of mankind and the hopelessness of the future. Yes, yes; very nihilistic, very clever. Except we've seen it all before. This was precisely how 1994 ended. And, for that matter, every other religious, mythological, and secular doomsday scenario that's played out on the news before and since.

Sure, there's the twist ending everyone's talking about: the non-apocalypse without the usual mass suicide and all that. Which is fine - no one needs that kind of a downer, anyway. Though seeing thousands of Camping's followers broke and distraught isn't too exactly a happy ending, either.

Ultimately, we feel cheated. It's one thing to release something like this in September, but this is May, when we expect more from our entertainment than Camping was able to deliver. He's putting a droll exploration of human stupidity against the excitement of movies like Thor? Come on, where were the effects? Where's the spectacle? Drama alone isn't going to cut it in a summer when Transformers 3 is getting released.

On a scale of one to five, where five stars reflects doomsdays like the Near-Apocalypse of '09, we can only award Camping's May 21st two stars.

It wasn't so much that it was bad... it just didn't deliver anything worthwhile or new. Sure, the twist was better than the alternative, but Camping failed to conceal his hand - we saw the Shyamalan-like ending coming a mile away. This isn't the worst apocalypse we've ever seen, but we still strongly advise our readers to save their money and wait for the DVD.

Cosplay

While we do not indulge in such activity, there is little denying that cosplay, the compulsive drive to dress up as a fictional character, is profoundly geeky in nature.  Until now, we have overlooked the phenomenon, as we've always considered it relegated to the fringe of the fringe.  But recent events have given us cause to reconsider.  Indeed, it seems this trend may extend far beyond the range of the small subculture we'd believed and instead represent a wide range of the population.

The market has in fact spoken.  In the past, companies such as Sideshow Collectibles and Master Replicas have released products facilitating this activity, but they've generally sold these in editions limited to the thousands.  But a new tie-in to the recent Star Trek film has achieved an impossible level of interest from literally millions of fans eager to dress up and pretend they are crew members of the Enterprise.

What's more astonishing is the company producing this prop.  As impossible as it may seem, a facsimile Star Trek data pad has been produced by Apple Computers, and everyone from major media outlets to insane conspiracy theorists writing from their parents' basement are carrying the story.

The implications for this sudden and unexpected interest in Star Trek merchandise are both frightening and intriguing.  We expect these newly-awakened geeks to descend upon comic shops in droves and buy replica phasers and communicators to accompany their iPads.  Within a week, we conservatively predict, Klingon communicators which once sold for $19.95 will be going for hundreds of dollars on eBay.  And if you were planning on attending a Star Trek convention before the franchise becomes anachronistic in 2258, then you may want to buy your tickets and book a hotel room now.

It does deserve noting that some of the light and sound features may appeal to a small niche audience which isn't even aware they're purchasing a Star Trek prop replica.  But, ultimately, we doubt many of the millions eagerly awaiting this product are interested in what amounts to half a netbook with a touchscreen.

No, in our analysis, the vast majority must be Star Trek cosplayers.

Rise of the Machines

I find it difficult to categorize the following news item. While it exists somewhat beyond the usual scope of The Middle Room's mission statement, it struck me that my readers would probably like to know that the Germans have begun construction of mecha-penguins.

As to their creators' motivation, that remains to be seen. Nevertheless, there can be little doubt that the world is enriched by such fascinating creations, even if their final intent is sinister by design.

Versions exist which operate in the water and in the air. I've yet to see evidence that variants have been crafted which can belly-slide down hills of ice, but such modifications seem simple enough.

Images of flying penguin-bots brings to mind zeppelins patrolling the skies. And yet, can anyone truly look on these creations without admiring the whimsical design?

Of course, if these constructions do have dark intentions, surely no human agent could find it in their heart to combat them. What spy, no matter how cold-hearted, could ever harm a penguin?

Might we then suggest another alternative to keep our world safe?

Does Whatever a Spider Can

It is, perhaps, human nature to tear down heroes, to seek their flaws and weaknesses and exploit them. But here in The Middle Room we strive to be better. We would rather take a more positive perspective and celebrate the accomplishments of our protectors.

It is in this spirit that we are pleased to inform you the BBC is now reporting that Spiderman saved a child trapped in a burning building in Bangkok.

To our knowledge, J. Jonah Jameson has yet to comment.

Bat Shot Into Space; Return Possible

The media is a mysterious force, one whose attention is often ephemeral. We regard them as we would a class of children: with amusement, caution, and most of all with fear. In the span of a heartbeat, the press has been known to go feral and attack without provocation.

A pack of reporters could pick a cow's skeleton clean in under ten seconds. This is not hyperbole: there was a time we watched a great deal of CNN. We have, in fact, observed just this.

Recently, the press's attention has meandered to an unlikely story representing a strange interjection of geek interests. According to multiple news sources, a bat has recently been launched into space. The details, at present, are few. Indeed, the story evokes more questions than it answers.

If we are to believe the media's claims, the bat in question (unnamed at present; presumably because its family has yet to be notified), made the journey of its own volition.

Video and photographic evidence seems to verify this story, though the possibly that some sort of adhesive may have been a factor has yet to be addressed.

As to why the bat made this leap; well, that is a question the media seems uninterested in confronting. Nor have they confronted the possibility that the bat may return from the stars.

Before we continue, there are a few things we would like to say. First of all, we in The Middle Room have long campaigned for bats to receive the recognition they deserve. As a symbol of the night, they invoke a certain terror in the superstitious and cowardly, but they also perform invaluable services to the ecosystem around us.

They hunt insects and they aid in the expansion of plant life. They inspire horror and superheroes alike. Truly, the loss of even one bat is nothing short of a travesty.

But there is no conclusive evidence at present that this creature is gone. Rather, scientists have long known of the existence of "cosmic radiation", a mysterious energy source with unknown properties. Could this radiation transform a common bat into a being of infinite power and hatred?

We cannot say for sure.

We suspect that the bloodthirsty media has reason to believe this may occur. After all, this story is being closely watched and scrutinized. It seems unlikely that so many reporters would spend such time were it only a case of a single animal killed by a launching shuttle.

Such attention is never paid to the dozens of rats, mice, and insects we assume are killed when the rockets ignite. But then, there is little reason to think they would gain the superpowers which could be bestowed upon a creature exposed to cosmic radiation.

Bring Out Your Dead

It is rare that indeed that the mundane news of the world outside finds its way into The Middle Room. Truly, the interests of the geek are, by and large, above the petty concerns that trouble the twenty-four hour cable news channels and antiquated newspapers filling the subways and streets.

But, as is often the case with rules, there exist exceptions. One area of overlapping concern is the undead, which pose a real threat to geek and human alike.

Of course, we in The Middle Room pride ourselves with knowing the weaknesses of any such affronts to creation's laws we are likely to meet. However, when a situation appears involving creatures from beyond the grave, we sit up and take note, particularly when reported by the Associated Press.

In this situation, road signs have been illegally accessed, so their warning messages could be altered to inform riders of the walking dead.

Of course, law enforcement is concerned that the altered signs could present a safety risk. There is a real danger that a driver, distracted by the message, could cause an accident - potentially even a fatal one.

In such a scenario, the deceased could rise as a zombie themselves, and wander the highways in search of food. Lacking the basic capacity for reasoning possessed by the living, the undead can create an even more dangerous distraction.

Of course, were this to occur, we can take some solace that there would at least be warning signs present, albeit something of a self-fulfilling prophesy.

In other news pertaining to the undead, Stephen King has recently been criticized for comments he's made about the author of Twilight.

We in The Middle Room would like to join the chorus of voices condemning King's off-the-cuff remarks. From what we've heard, the books are far, far worse than he lets on: to suggest that the author can't write "worth a darn" leaves open the possibility that there is some, albeit small, value to this fad.

We strongly encourage King, in the future, to use harsher language regarding this brand of tripe drivel being spoon-fed to teens.